“Drive-by!”
Shouted Midget José and everyone jumped for cover with out a seconds thought. Derek the squid found himself hiding behind some reinforced steel drive-by bins equipped with toaster plus accessories for especially long drive by’s (A brilliant idea by the mayor who rather fight gang land crime just excepted it.) With him was Midget Jose and a man everyone simply called The Nose. The bullets bounced off the bins as The Nose dished up crumpets and earl grey, anticipating an epically long drive by.
“Fluffy Bastards.” Derek said peering though a periscope at their assailants, and indeed it was the hardest Fluffy Street had to offer.
“Aww this is weak!” Shouted Derek as he looked over his brand new pimp suit now with jam stains down the baby seal fur lapels just as a bullet caught the jar of extra large atomic jam, made by 100% radioactive mutated berries, majority of who could whistle a passable version of twinkle twinkle little radioactive star, if they were in the mood.
“Nosey! Stick your nose up and nose around to nose if they’ve stopped firing those un-nose nose bullets!”
The Nose took his time to reply, a man famous for being a deep thinker.
“My name’s Dave.” The nose replied a little hurt as he passed the honourable Earl of Winchester, Earl Grey to Midget José. “Why does everyone call me The Nose? I’m Dave, a teacher from Lancashire.”
Derek sighed; The Nose always did this, trying to spin these naughty naughty lies! Last Christmas he started going on about how it was in fact just the weekend and Christmas was nine months away. Nosey always wanted to spoil his fun; Derek always assumed it was because he was a Squid and The Nose wasn’t, the damn Squidist!
“Look Nosey, you just happened to be born when the great name drought of 42 and it was either The Nose or Tittlefanger. Now do you really want to be a Tittlefanger? because I could quite easily call up the dry cleaners and get them to change it.”
“How the hell are the dry cleaners going to change my name?”
“Every sane man, woman, child or other, please state bellow, that if your name isn’t on your underwear then it isn’t your name! And take it from me, those bastards at the Dry Cleaners are notorious for changing peoples names without them knowing. They tried to do it to me! The greatest squid this side of….well my home…..” Derek trailed off.
“What tosh.” Nosey scoffed.
“Don’t believe me? Check your draws! Go on, Check um!” Derek shouted.
“OK! I WILL!” Nosey shouted back.
“Err…boys, I don’t think this is the time” Midget José finally pointed out as the rain of bullets continued to bounce off the reinforced bin, however it was too late in one swoop that could get The Nose onto film he had his underwear in his hands and was checking the label attached.
“What’s it say? Hmmmm?” Derek enquired stroking an imaginary beard with one of his pale tentacles.
“….Susan.” An awkward silence in sued, and so vicious was the silence that most around couldn’t stand up straight once it was over. The honourable Earl of Winchester, Earl Grey, actually fell down to the ground dead of a heart attack because of the magnitude of the awkwardness. It must have been felt the other side of the street as well because the Robin Reliant that the attackers were using to drive by passing people (thus why the drive bys took so long) had blown up and many alarms were going off around the street. Many glasses and windows had smashed as well.
All expect the Honourable Earls monocle, if anyone had actually been in a fit state to notice they would have realised it was a solid diamond monocle that the Beige Market would not have only killed for, but also Morris Danced after the initial killing had ceased. Morris Dancing being the new break dancing especially in the rougher parts of town like Fluffy Street.
“Is everyone alright?” Midget José asked after a few minutes had passed and he had found his shoes again.
“I think so” Said The Nose half way across the street, his incriminating boxers still in his hands,
“Oh…I feel all peculiar. Like I just woke up to find I was a squid.” Derek said from inside he Dust Bin.
“Derek…you are a squid.” Midget José pointed out.
“…Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.”
The Nose got to his feet and peered across the street. There was a lot of activity. The Fluffy bastards weren’t dead. In fact they were very much the opposite. And with a deluxe set of Lego they were building a catapult. The Nose laughed.
“It looks like the squirrels are making a catapult….and what are they doing with that cow……” They all trailed off as they were enveloped in the shadow of on the cities many super cows. Midget José laughed and pointed out to the other two.
“You know boys….I reckon I’ve seen a film like this before….now how did it end?”